Worth it.

I originally wrote this as a sort of script for a video I was asked to make for KSU Wesley. If you do not know KSU Wesley is a campus ministry at the college I attend (Kennesaw State University). I have been going there since my freshman year because I was convinced to go there by my god sister who was also a part of leadership there. I went, fell in love with the community, and have not looked back. I have been on Leadership there for the past two years. We ended the semester with a series on Elijah and everything God did in Elijah's life. To aide this the leadership team was asked if they wanted to share a story of how God has moved in our lives. They would video this and play it at the Wednesday night worship service before the message. I offered to share a small testimony and they asked me to write it down so I have a good idea of what to say and so they can make sure everything's good. They said at some point they will post the video on ksuwesley.org , but I do not know if they have done that and here is the story that I wrote out. (funny side note: because I had this with me we had to redo it because I was reading off of it too much and then in the second take he had to cut out all of the "um's" "but's" and awkward pauses. oops) Here is basically what I said in the video:

I’m Rosemarie I am a third year at KSU and at Wesley.

For a long time now God has been teaching me about my worth as His daughter. 

Where I very first started being aware of this very important message was in Guatemala. I have gone there on a mission trip for the last two summers and will be going again this coming summer (woop woop). The people in Guatemala love in such a deep and passionate way and they love so readily and so quickly. They welcomed me with loving arms from the moment I met them. I truly could see God’s love through them, it shone brighter in them than anything I have ever seen. 

The love the Guatemalans showed (and continue to show every time I interact with them) was so beautiful and humbling. It broke me and it brought me to a very real moment with God and myself where I had to change not believing the truth about myself, which is that I am worth something. More than just something. A lot of things, I am worth  e v e r y t h i n g  to God. I am worth so much that I was  t h e  reason Jesus died on the cross (did you catch that? THE reason. y'all what?!?!). I  l o v e  the way it is put in Hebrews 12:2 “fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” I am the Joy set before Him (what the what). We are the joy set before Him (and I am so not worthy). We are why He endured the cross (#blessed okay but what better reason to use this hashtag?). We are worth so much to Him. 

Only recently have I noticed that He has been teaching me this my whole life. I have been struggling with being insecure for most of my life and I truly struggled to feel loved and to understand that I was loved whether I could feel it or not. Some of my extended family members make a decent amount of negative comments about me and because of this I sort of didn’t feel loved by them. This sort of created in me a feeling of unloved. What I did not realize at that point was that God would use this situation to encourage me to not look for attention and love in people, but to look for my worth in Christ (not that Christ makes the bad situations He just uses them to point you back to Him). It has shown me not to find approval in what people think and not to care. I am  d e f i n i t e l y  still working on it, but more often than not I find myself turning to God for my worth. It is very hard I won’t lie to you (it's an hourly battle, guys), but it has made all the difference. Rooting my worth in the Lord has been a catalyst for many positive things in life. I am more confident to wear what I want how I want and to do the things I want to do. Now I can go forward and boldly live the life Christ intended for me because I am learning it does not matter how people here on earth think of me. What matters is how God thinks of me.

I pray you can find this to be true in the season you need it most.

I am here for you. Just reach out.

r